Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
