Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
