i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
