i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
