don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
