If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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