omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Even my vagina gasped.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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