you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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