He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
