yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
