So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
