Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
