maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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