College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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