if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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