That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
