last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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