Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
