There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She's like a pop up book from hell.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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