i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
