i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
