is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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