So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
