im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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