I didn't shave. On purpose
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
