Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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