1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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