I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
