Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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