eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
