If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
this beer tastes like vomit already
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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