i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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