I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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