You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
