Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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