it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
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