I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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