I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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