The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize