The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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