I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
