I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
