Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
