Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
