i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
