I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
