if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
No subtext here. People are naked.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
