I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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