After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
