I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
