Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
