WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
areolas are like halos for boobs.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
soo... how was my night?
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