Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
