i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
