You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I need to align my fucking chakras
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
