Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
