Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
