Got a toothbrush?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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