I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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