So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
