feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
