I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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