DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
