pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
