stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
