So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Someone signed my nipple.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
