Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
