I heard we made out
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
