So drunk, too bad you don't want this
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i love accidental penises.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
