So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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