trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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