I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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