update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
