I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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