dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
