It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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