Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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