Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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