If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
