Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
