So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
