so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
