we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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