Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
