my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
