I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize