I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
