god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
