cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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