I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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