And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
