he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
