At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
