im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
