I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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