i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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