i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
