We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
