Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize