she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
