what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
