I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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