I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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