peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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