I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
