Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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