There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
two words...techno handjob
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
