I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
