an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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